We Teach People How to Treat Us
I believe you and I teach people how to treat us. We do this constantly by the silent signals we send out. For example: Let’s say you have a terrific boss but his fatal flaw is that he loves to talk. You know the type. You give Boss 3 minutes and he takes 30. Let’s also say he has pictures of his sister’s wedding. Doesn’t conventional wisdom stay, “To get ahead, it never hurts to schmooze with the boss!”? Let’s take a look at this. What if you give Boss 30 minutes to look at pictures, what signal are you sending about how valuable you believe your time is? That’s it not particularly valuable. What signal could you be sending about your commitment to your work? That you’d rather play than work.
Let’s turn this around. Let’s say you are 5 minutes into Picture Fest when your success voice says, “Get out!” What if you say, “Boss, excuse me, but you don’t have a good audience right now. My mind is on my project. I’ve got a noon deadline that I have to meet.” What if you politely walk out on Boss? What signals are you sending about how valuable you believe your time is? Very valuable. What signal are you sending about your commitment to your work? That you’re a keeper!
I believe we subtly signal people how to treat us, not by words, but by our actions.