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The S in S.O.F.T.E.N. is for smile.

The O is for open posture. If you are in the presence of someone acting like a jerk – like an upset customer who intends to bully you to get his way, I recommend you maintain an open posture. Why?

Well, if you do the opposite, say you fold your arms defensively, slouch and stare at the ceiling, you will plainly signal your disinterest. Expect this to energize the jerk to increase his offensive behavior against you. He will do what he has to do to get you to hear him, including heightened sarcasm, ugly words or screaming.

It’s smart to put yourself into an open posture, such as standing or sitting tall and leaning slightly forward to signal that you are open and receptive to understanding his feelings. This demonstrates that you are probably listening – not that you are agreeing – but that you are willing to process his message.

The F in S.O.F.T.E.N. is for forward lean. Don’t you love it when you meet a new business contact and feel like you’ve known her forever? She is doing something you don’t notice. She leans forward when you speak and it feels good. Politicians know this.

Why does this soften people? I think it’s because you and I have experienced enough rejection that when someone leans forward when we speak the sensation is exceedingly pleasant. It’s like a symphony heard by the soul.

You can S.O.F.T.E.N. disagreeable people by maintaining an open posture and leaning forward. Try it!

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This entry was posted on Thursday, January 4th, 2007 at 5:30 am and is filed under Podcast. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.