Episode 95 - E is for Eye Contact
E is for eye contact. In one of my seminars, a policewoman told us that in her police academy training they teach that people who won’t look you in the eye are hiding something and to be suspicious of them. I have asked business executives and sales people all across America to tell me what it means when a person refuses to look you in the eye. The lists always include: lying, devious, untrustworthy, shifty, distrusting, uncaring, low self-esteem, shy, scared, intimidated.
OK, well, what if someone acting like a jerk comes into your workspace and you have to listen but you choose to not look at him or her? Say, for instance, you decide to be efficient by listening while you sort through your messages, check e-mails, and hunt for a document on your desk. “Hey, I hear you. Keep talking. I’m just looking for something.”
What signal might you be sending about yourself? That you are lying, devious and all those negative things! Couldn’t that make the jerk jerkier – louder, more obnoxious to get your attention? And then you wonder why they don’t settle down?
I say, if you are going to be there, be there. 2 minutes of eye-to-eye contact is more effective than 15 minutes of being efficient. Martin Buxbaum said, “It is just as important to listen to someone with your eyes as it is with your ears.”
You can S.O.F.T.E.N. disagreeable people by looking them in the eyes.