Episode 96 - N is for Nod
The N in S.O.F.T.E.N. is for nod. When I speak, sometimes my head bobs up and down enthusiastically. It’s automatic. Only a neck brace could stop it. Occasionally I’ve pointed out to audiences that after a few minutes with me, many of them start to do — guess what? Nod! Their heads bob up and down. What does their mimicking signify to me? They are listening. They are into the moment. They might not be agreeing with me but they are willing to listen, absorb and consider what I am saying. How do you think that makes me feel? Great!
In business, when you are in the presence of a disagreeable person, such as a jerk, one way to soften him up is to gently mimic his body posture. For example, if the person is leaning back and his hands are on the table, it’s smart for you to lean back slightly and place your hands on the table. If she is standing with hands on hips, you do the same thing. If you are subtle about this, it will subconsciously feel good to the other person and take some tension out of the moment.
Now here’s a smart idea: If you’d like an e-mailed copy of all 5 segments on how to S.O.F.T.E.N. disagreeable people, such as jerks, just e-mail me. You’ll find my e-address on the DAER web page. Just click on Smarter by the Minute to find it.